So a friend of mine posted a link to this article on her Facebook page. I read it and had a few thoughts on the matter I thought I would share... To sum it up first of all. He writes about the problem of undisciplined children and the bigger problem of their permissive parents. He goes on to describe an ideal world of functioning adults with quiet children.
To the main point of the article I agree, to some extent, but do have to say he comes across as an ignorant single guy who has never had to deal with children. He seems out of touch with the reality of children, and parenting; that bothers me. I was shocked at the end, when I realized he indeed has children. Apparently he is also divorced. I wonder if his unrealistic expectations of the mother of his children had anything to do with their split. I don't claim to know, or understand, his family dynamics. So I suppose it isn't fair to assume and I probably shouldn't speak of such things.
I do know how annoying it can be when someone else's unruly children are loud, obnoxious, and get in the way of an otherwise smooth trip to the store, or restaurant; and I do agree that parents shouldn't be as permissive these days as they are.
Too many children are completely unrestrained and undisciplined. This isn't good for them and it isn't good for society. We're raising a generation of deadbeats. Kids get rewards for merely existing these days (A whole other can of worms I'll touch on in a future post.) They feel entitled to everything and its our fault. We cave to their every whim and it's doing them all a disservice. Every child needs discipline and boundaries. I did, and I know for a fact it contributed to the self sufficient adult I am today. As a child I was spanked, had my mouth washed out with soap or had pepper put on it. I was lectured, and my Mother certainly possessed the skill of the "Look" he spoke of. All these things has had no negative long-term effect on me, and the threat of them made me behave, so in that sense I will agree that a lot of parents these days are far too soft in their discipline.
But there has to also be a little bit of an attitude that children will be children. Even the most disciplined children misbehave sometimes. Children aren't adults, and society's attitude geared towards forcing children to grow up faster than they already do, gets very tiresome to me. We see so many elements of this campaign; the early sexualization of children, the attitude that a kid has to do it all, have it all, and be it all, all before they even have their first kiss, or wait just kidding, kids should have their first kiss by 3rd grade and lose their virginity long before high school. The acceptance of these mindsets as the norm are dangerous even if you don't see it by way of their roots in spirituality. They will rip this world apart. Parents should preserve their children's innocence and childhoods! Why is it so bad to have kids that are exactly what they are, kids!? They have decades to be adults, and have jobs, relationships, and obligations. They'll spend years thinking about adult things, and in comparison childhood is very short.
As a parent of a [very active children] I try my very best to keep him [and the others] well behaved, especially in public; but [they are] individuals. All the discipline in the world couldn't take away the fact that [they] has [have their] own thoughts, and personalit[ies] and that ultimately [they] makes his own choices of how to conduct [themselves.] [They are] not robotic drone[s] I simply have to program to act a certain way. I wouldn't want to take away [their] agency even if I could. Sure I want there to be consequences for unattractive behavior. I want to aim the use of said agency towards responsible independence, but for now [they are children!]
Sometimes [they're] going to scream while we're at dinner. Sometimes [they're] going to throw a tantrum at the grocery store. Sometimes [they] will hit me, or yell at me to go away. It sucks, and it embarrasses me, but [they're] doing what kids are supposed to be doing, and that is learning about boundaries and what is acceptable and unacceptable. Believe me I don't just let [them] get away with it, there are punishments.
I understand it's annoying for the innocent bi-standards that happen to be nearby when [they have meltdowns,] but they should remember they were once children too; children who most likely did the same thing at one point in time. The author of the article makes it sound like parent's shouldn't be allowed to take their children to public places. That's ludicrous!
[I originally wrote this post when my oldest was 3. As evident by the above edits, my situation has changed a lot in life. And since I'm refocusing this blog I thought I'd interject on myself and viewpoints of the past. I now have 3 children. The very active 3-year-old I originally wrote of, has grown into a phenomenal 5-year-old, who is an excellent big brother to his 3-year-old sister, and 6-month-old brother. In the 3 years since writing this post a lot has changed indeed, but my point has only been proven in my children. My son who was, and in a lot of ways still is, very active and very energetic, has on his own calmed down, focused some of that energy, and learned a lot about boundaries and limitations. Allowing him the agency, and independence, to do so has been the biggest gift I've given to contribute to his growth. He isn't perfect. I'm certainly not claiming that, but he is only 5, and I'm not going to cave to societies expectation that he be almost grown up by now.]
Are we the parents of said "annoying" toddlers, and children not tax paying individuals? Do we not have temporal needs such as food, and toiletries, just like the childless of the country? Do we not also enjoy dinner out on the town, or going to the movies? Sure we do, and we give up many of those luxuries gladly!! We sacrifice a lot to be parents, especially the mother! I gave up school, and any resemblance of a disposable income. Every dollar I make now assigned to a certain purpose, every hour given to a specific task. I do all these things because I love my children and am doing my best to raise them to be great adults. The few occasions when I can go out to eat, or need to take my children with me to the grocery store, should be understood. I'm part of society even if I have children. I find it more than barbaric, and archaic, to suggest we find a way to not bring our children with us in nearly every public situation. The idea that children should be seen not heard is very ignorant, and certainly isn't tolerant or sympathetic at all!
I understand it's annoying, but try to ignore it. I'm not asking you to love my kid, just put up with him for the few passing moments you have to without judging me. As a stay at home Mom, I'd go crazy if I couldn't at least go places with my children occasionally. I understand I chose to have children, but I shouldn't be treated like a leper for that choice. Without people making the selfless choice I have made to have children our society would literally cease to exist. So I shouldn't have a scarlet letter painted on my head just because I had children. Deal with it. If I have to put up with the annoying contemporary ideals to be more tolerant of this attitude, or that lifestyle, so should all the whiny, mouthy, losers that whine about me and my kids. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. DEAL WITH IT!
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