White Pickett Fences Are Pretty Great Too

Okay folks, internet buzz going around these days say that it's no longer "cool" to get married young. In fact it may not even be "cool" to get married at all. One trending blog (read it if you want this post to make sense) even goes as far to label people in the "under 23" category as the cause of her social awkwardness. "It literally isn't [her]" as she puts it, "It's [us]"

Perhaps you can tell by the fact I placed myself in her category, I am one of those women who got married before I was 23. (GASP!!! I MUST BE SUCH A SQUARE!!) I was 21, young, and yes even naive. Just a girl who found her best friend, the one who'd be there for her and grow with her. My wedding was beautiful, but my marriage is more beautiful. It's not perfect, but is a work of art in progress. One that has two artists which is way cooler than one in my opinion.

In the view of this girl (I say girl, because she comes across this way) and many like her. I sold out. I got married because I was scared, and inexperienced, and just wanted someone to keep me warm at night (Which is pretty nice I will admit) "It's insane that [she has] already experienced more in the world than [her] married peers will ever experience in their whole life."

Sorry honey but experience isn't a check mark on a goal list. I may not have seen Rome, or Paris YET, but that doesn't mean I lack experience or that some 22 year old has more experience than I have just because she has. So yeah I don't know what it's like to make out with a stranger or date 2 people at once and have it blow up in my face... Don't worry "experience" will teach her those aren't good ideas. I'm pretty glad I didn't need "experience" to teach me that. The world is full of so much! It's impossible for any of us to experience it all, but collectively we do, because I experience things you don't and you experience things I don't. She may experience a lot of the world as she sees it, but I do too. I experience the world when I learn the anatomy, biology, pharmacology, patience, psychology, and other -ologies that comes with being a Mother. I experienced the world when I grew 3 other human beings inside me and witnessed the miracle that their births were. I experienced the world as I outlined my Husbands text books to help him with his homework. I experienced the world as he and I made huge sacrifices together to get through school, and start our family.  I'll experience more of the world when I help my kids with their homework and learn to paper machete everything and put little mint leaves in ice for their school parties; when I send my daughter off to prom and cry when they grow up and leave me. My world is relevant too.

I'll give her some credit. I do think some kids rush into marriage. Before getting married one should examine some things. You should know somewhat what your finances will be. You should learn some conflict resolution methods. You should discuss with your spouse to be the "important stuff." For example: How many kids you want. What each other's career goals are. How involved you want your extended families to be. etc. One thing a person should not consider when getting married is the current divorce rate. Seriously why should some statistic affect the way you feel about someone? If you don't want to be a part of that statistic DON'T

Don't get me wrong. Divorce happens. I'm not saying it's always bad or avoidable. I do think that divorce happens so much more now because we live in the "Walmart Society" If you don't like something take it back and get a new one. Entitlement and instant gratification are the name of the game and they plagues our society, but especially my generation. But I digress. That is a topic for another post.

I don't have a problem with having a premarital "bucket list" and lets face it. A "bucket list" is all HER list was, because at 18, 23, or 40 I would never be interested in half the things she stated on her list of 23 things to go instead of getting married before 23. What I do have a problem with is the statement that everyone who doesn't think like she does is the problem with the world. That WE are the backwards ones. I get it. People are different. I don't want to suggest that living the bachelor/bachelorette lifestyle is horrible. It wasn't for me, but if that's what makes you happy go for it! I don't attempt to claim my life is more worthy than hers and she should afford me the same courtesy.

I'll be honest. Her post got me all fired up. I got 2 paragraphs in and I had already mentally written a mountain long blog post where I'd call her names and ridicule her lifestyle, but then I thought, that's probably not very Christian of me, so I calmed down and wrote this instead.  If you want my opinion on her life, and since she made outrageous assumptions about my motives, fears, and lifestyle I feel entitled to do the same, I think she is unhappy. I think she fills her life with "Me. Me. Me." and that sort of selfishness doesn't give anyone satisfaction. I'm not saying all single people are selfish. There are plenty of married people who are as well as single people who aren't. One isn't a prerequisite of the other, but rather a flaw of all humanity, but again I digress. I think she feels something lacking in her life. I think she doesn't know who she is or who she wants to be, and exploring that is scary, and it's so much easier to put other people down and be critical of their lifestyles. My-life-is-screwed-up-and-I-am-not-happy-so-I-should-feel-less-screwed-up-by-blaming-others-and-painting-their-lives-as-more-screwed-up-than-mine. I think that sums it up quite nicely.

So no I wont call her names. I wont say she is evil. I don't think she is. I think she is a bit jealous, and certainly naive but aren't we all at times?

Instead I'm going to offers some encouragement and advice to both groups of people: Us "under 23ers" and those who choose to wait. This applies to both. It's okay... You're okay. Grow. Learn. and know that God loves you.

Here are a couple lists of my own:

23 Things to Do If You're Young and Not Married:
 (I guarantee these will make you happier than hers)
1. Serve your neighbor without expectation.
2. Laugh with friends.
3. Go see a movie about love! Get excited for when it's your turn.
4. Go on a trip with your sisters. Don't have sisters? Go with your best friend.
5. Become the person you want to marry.
6. Babysit for someone who needs a break... (obvious plug in...I apologize)
7. Date! (one person at a time)
8. Pay for a strangers dinner. Don't tell them it was you.
9. Find your "many things." (You can have more than one, and here's another hint: getting married doesn't end this pursuit)
10. Enjoy not being tied down by a pet.
11. Dance in your underwear. (when no one is watching of course)
12. Listen to Taylor Swift (or if you despise her make fun of her)
13. Bake a cake. Bake two. Give one to a friend.
14. Develop a relationship with God.
15. Learn a language. (It will come in handy when you want to impress your mate later)
16. Disappoint everyone! You don't do anything for them you do it for you. Just don't disappoint yourself or God.
17. Stay up all night watching as much of the TV show LOST as time will allow.
18. Get your heart broken. (It will suck, but when it's healed you'll appreciate it so much more)
19. Be selfless.
20. Name your future children.
21. Write a journal
22. Save yourself... (You know what I mean. Your husband/wife will appreciate that someday)
23. Let a married person tell you how cool their life is. Tell them how cool yours is. Don't put each other down in the process.

23 Things to Do While Your Young and Married.
1. Serve your neighbor without expectation.
2. Laugh with your spouse.
3. Go see a movie about love with your spouse! Get sentimental remembering when you fell in love too.
4. Go on a trip with your Husband/Wife. Don't tell anyone you're going.
5. Become the person you want your spouse to be.
6. Get a babysitter. Enjoy a night out.
7. Date! (Don't ever stop this one)
8. Make your spouse dinner from scratch. Don't tell them how hard it was.
9. Find your "many things." (A big one of mine was Parenthood. I highly recommend it!)
10. Get a pet. Name him/her together.
11. Dance in your underwear. (when your spouse is watching)
12. Listen to your spouses favorite band/singer. Try to like them.
13. Bake a cake together. (Get frosting everywhere.)
14. Develop a relationship with God together.
15. Learn "I love you" in as many languages as you can. "Je t'aime" (French: there now you know at least 2)
16. Disappoint everyone! You don't do anything for them you do it for you. Just don't disappoint yourself or God. (If you do this you should rarely disappoint your spouse.)
17. Stay up all night watching as much of the TV show LOST as time will allow. Stay up the next night too theorizing what will happen next together)
18. Let your spouse see your vulnerable. Let them make the hurt better.
19. Be selfless.
20. Re-Name your future children. (Chances are your spouse didn't like some or all of the names your picked on your own.)
21. Write a journal
22. Put your spouse first.
23. Let a single person tell you how cool their life is. Tell them how cool yours is. Don't put each other down in the process.